How to cope with life's negative emotions.

Vocabulary is a pwerful thing.  It makes a real difference what words you use to describe something, even with yourself.

When experincing "anger" over something that someone did or did not do (and this applies to professional and personal situations), ask yourself if it is really "anger" you are feeling.  Often, you'll find that your emotions have self-fueled themselves a little hotter than they really are.  Most of the time you can downgrade to "disappointed" rather than "angry".  Disappointment brings feelings of frustration and these, repeated over time, can boil over and become exagerated. 

If you are really angry, you need to act.  Someone has hurt or threatened you physically!  They have caused you danger or put you in harm's way.  If not, is it really anger?  Are you not sure? Then repeat the first paragraph.  Otherwise, read on...

Now that you've placed the emotion where it belongs, ask yourself why you are disappointed.  Disappointment is always a mismatch of expectations and results or experience.  Now you merely have to decide if you were appropriate with your expectations.  As Michael said, “If all else fails, lower your expectations.”   Having unrealistic expectations causes everyone stress.  If you have experienced the same frustrating situation over and over and not adjusted your expectations, who is to blame for your disappointment?  Einstein said, “Repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity” (or something like that). 

When someone truly drops the ball and doesn't reach a reasonable goal, deliverable or standard, you have every right to be disappointed.  Communicate that in a calm and proactive way.  The next time a similar situation comes up, be appropriate, expect better than last time but don't hope for a miracle.  Well, you can hope, as long as you understand that hope implie doubt.  Know that the same thing can happen again.  Be sure to communicate what you exepct up front!

What to do when expectations are disappointing in themselves?  That's when action is required.  If someone consistently repeats a very diappointing behavior and you have to keep lowering your expectation of them, it might be time to find someone else to count on. 

All the answers cannot be had by changing a word here and there.  Always being less aggressive will mean you are always less effective.  That's not good either.  Balance is the key. 

The bottom line is that we are all master of our own emotions.  Your emotions begin with you and end with you and directly effect only yourself.  If you can chose whether to feel mildly disserved or furiously miserable, why would you chose the latter?

As far as vocabulary goes, consider this if you don't believe a choice in word can make such a difference: Americans have hundreds of words for money but only one for love.  What seems to be the most important thing to americans in this day and age?  ...and why am I still at work, getting ready to go to a professional study group, when my wife and 11 month old son are at home practicing walking?  Not because I want to, but because money is very important in America.  (that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the group, just that a lot of life can be missed while you're trying to boost your corporate value...)