Life is like the ocean eternally washing the sandy shore.  A wave approaches, crests, crashes, then rolls up onto the beach to then gently release its energy and finally fall back into the tide, another right on its heels.  I find waves of intensity ebbing in my personal and professional life all the time.  Sometimes things are building up, gaining intensity, sometimes they are playing out on a turbulent ride toward completion. 

The last four months I've been work-focused on designing and releasing a new Rentals.com.  It will be out Tuesday, August 1st if all goes perfectly.  If not, it will be shortly after.  Regardless, there will be a series of releases to increment the planned initial functionality.  The new site replaces a site that's been successful for a number of years but hasn't been allowed to reach its potential.  We're going to leverage the strong capabilities of the software that Phil Massum designed and drive a new website that I've adapted from the work of a recent redesign of ApartmentGuide.com.  For that project, I had collaborated (as architect) with Roman Pozdniakov (technical lead), Mark Stevens (project lead) and Blane Davis (data manager and seach guru) to leverage the capabilities of our Endeca search tool in order to satisfy the complicated business requirements surrounding large apartment community listing service.  Rentals.com will take advantage of an indirect client relationship to provide a more rich and valuable user experience with a focus on search indexable navigation.   We've designed the search engine spider bait and trap to be exactly the same thing, just like they've suggested.  I navigated the site using an alternative browser and I was surprised by how useful it actually is.  I was pleased by how terrible the competition was.  I can't wait to see what happens when its released into the wild.

Its been a challenging and rewarding project and has lead to a promotion to product development manager.  I now oversee product and project development for all things apartments at consumer source inc.  That includes ApartmentGuide.com and Rentals.com as well as content management applications, support applications, integration and future new/aquired product.  I'm hoping to help coach teams to be self organizing, self managing and self motivated.  This move is outside my immediate comfort zone and represents the first time in a long time that I've taken on a new role that wasn't something I was infinitely trained for.  There's a lot of disfunction to resolve and I'll be learning on the fly, having to stretch my own capacity to accomplish my goals.  Its due time I stop resting on my laurels.

We've been redefining our process to adhere to agile methodologies and principles and working toward more responsive, less cumbersome software development.  This is as exciting as the product itself and my passion for it has surprised me as much as my discovery a number of years ago that I LOVE database normalization and the inherent relationship of structured information.  These two concepts, adaptation and data relationships, take a new direction when considered independently and lead to ideas that are just beginning to reveal potential.  The crest of the Rentals.com release has just flattened onto the sand and the next one is beginning to swell. 

On the subject of waves and beaches, I just returned from a weekend at Sea Pines on Hilton Head Island in South Carolina. The place is amazing.  Its very high end.  While I appreciated the wealth of the place, I found myself longing for the more personal Rosemary Beach.  I feel more at home away from home there then I did inside the security gate of the Sea Pines rich person compound.  There's nothing wrong with having money but I feel that it doesn't matter whether the uniformed guard waves you in or drags you in, you're no longer in the land of liberty and diversity; you're inside the prison wall. If you stay too long, you'll become institutionalized.  However, if you instead retreat inside yourself, and listen to the waves coming in rows, the waves all become one sound: like the wind but much louder.  You might realize that those waves are just ripples on top of some larger wave unfolding.  If you can focus on that wave and become curious as to how it might soon crest and play out, you might forget about walls all together.  You might realize that they are not a prison at all.  You might relax and enjoy the moment.  You might forget about the next wave swelling on the sand bar long enough to catch your breath and enjoy the ocean air.  I clearly need more vacations. 

If you don't care, skip this post!

Busy, busy, soooo busy

A lot has been going on lately!  Most of my time is spent working.  That is both good and bad.  Its good because I have been enjoying my work.  Its bad because no one should work that much.  I've helped drive some really needed change in my IT organization to a more agile development approach and made some significant stride forward.  I am currently working on a brand new project as the product producer.  The title is certainly not official but I have been given budget, hiring capability, leadership and technical decision making authority and a very, very short deadline.  I had three projects in the works that I was providing architectural support for as well as the general messes that required my attention.  At one point a couple weeks ago I was informally offered the dev manager position but last week I was formally declined.  Long story.  Its all for the better.  I need to focus on my current project. 

The good things I've accomplished

New Brains

First, I brought some really incredible talent in through the door.  Paul Lockwood and Marcie Robillard have joined our team.  Paul has already been thrown in the fray.  I hope we fdon't scare him off too quickly!  There is so much going on right now its difficult to see what is actually going on!  Marcie starts shortly.

New Tools

I've successfully integrated NAnt and MSBuild with cruiseControl.net to build our dot net 1.1 and 2.0 projects across the entire enterprise.  There are some non-current projects not on the server but I've mastered the process such that it isn't much effort to bring a new (or old) project online.  I've got 27 individual projects under continuous integration executing a nice introductory sample of NUnit tests.

It took some time to get people to value the cctray and the little green icon.  Eventually, the tables turned and people began to really engage the tool and verify their checkins.  No more, "hey buddy, you broke my project!" 

I then brought the small spattering of NUnit tests into the fold and they broke the build.  Hmm, you'd think that would be bad, right?  No Way!  When I showed the new development manager, he was elated!  So was I and a few other key developers.  We all immediately saw how that smallish effort will pay off really big. 

New Way

A few months ago, I was effecting a bit of a coup.  I was, quite frankly, fed up with the heavy, restrictive, disabling process that surrounded our development endeavors. 

I revolted and began working in a psuedo-agile way.  I failed to meet some of the core facets of Agile development and had a struggle during that first project when I abandoned the accepted waterfall process.  The first project was a significant success.  We made our deadline, the project sponsor was happy and we had fewer defects then usual.  I came in after the project was underway with a horrible function req doc (that wasn't ), a rediculous tradeshow deadline and I had to improvise.  The unexpected result was a company-wide realization that process-for-process-sake is generally bad.

The other project on my trial run is still under way.  It is in danger of cancellation since the newly appointed lead has just been re-appointed and he may not be physically capable of delivering both products in the two month window alotted.  However, a great deal was learned about how to develop software without documenting your anscetral lineage prior to the colonization of America. 

The point is, after the first project, everyone cheered, "yeah!  we're agile."  Yet we weren't.  Still, the whole organization looked around confused that something that looked to them like a crap shoot was actually very controlled and delivered something better then origianlly conceived of.  My coup ended and the IT management led the charge to convert our team from waterfall to agile.  They aren't really sure what that means but every one of us is reading verosiously.  We brought in the Menlo Institute to school us.  I breathed a breath of fresh air and moved on to my next mountain.

New Project

My successes leading recent projects have landed me a very exciting opportunity to truly lead the development of a new product from conception to delivery.  I am very overwhelmed with work but I feel electrified to be so empowered.  I've had my kickoff meeting with business executives and it went splendidly (to quote Thomas).  I am now scoping the feature set and ready to start rockin in the free world!  The initial realease will be tiny.  The impact, in my little world and its market, will be like the introduction of the railroad into industry.  That's my plan, anyhow.

that's enough mindless blogging for now.  I live in an eternal state of intensely opposite forces.  All the things mentioned above are the good things going on.  The disappointing things don't deserve face time.  I've learned to focus on what I want and lead with purpose rather then to focus on what I don't want and run from...  well, you get the point. 

Perhaps when this is through, I'll look back and laugh at how naive I was.  Or, perhaps I'll say, "that was when everything started to happen for me," professionally anyhow

Its a good thing I wrote this.  Of all the things I am good at, taking my own advice is not one of them.  I do practice what I preach, most of the time.  However, when the apple cart topples over, I tend to forget technique, philosophy and adherence to a plan in favor of intense-crisis-response.  I think this is the caveat to my Principles For Success.  When the shit hits the fan, get yourself a mop.

My apple cart toppled over today.  Perhaps the light shining in my eyes blinded me, perhaps I mis-stepped right on the wrong director's toes.  Perhaps I was the subject of a well thought out experiment to test the outcome of a highly likely confrontation and failed to execute according to desired behavior.  Regardless, its behind me.   Now I am tasked with trying to figure out exactly what happened, why, and howto avoid it in the future.

"It always looks impossible right before you succeed."  I wrote that just a few days ago yet it sounds almost prophetic and entirely rediculous.  However, it is exactly what I needed to hear right now. 

 

A perfect analogy for success, as "life the experience", is "life the function".  In order to have success, you must have vision and faith.  Without one, the other is no good.  You have to know what you have faith in and you have to have faith in what you envision as your objective.  Vision is air and faith is water.  If you are both unable to breathe and dehydrated, there is no sense in getting a drink until you can get a breath.  Without either, however, you die.  Once you have these, you are merely able to sustain life but there are infinite other things that contribute to the continuation of life.  Happily, most of these just happen without your intervention.

Once you have a vision of what you want to do and faith that you will accomplish these things, there is another component required.  It is the food of our analogy.  You must have unshakable determination.  As there will always be set-backs and intermediate failure, you have to take action toward your vision ferociously and without hesitation or doubt.  On occasion, its alright if your faith falters slightly, so long as you understand that its temporary and recognize the need for a break or some counseling.  A friend can be good counsel, a sibling better but a spouse is your best counsel (If none of these are effective, there's nothing wrong with trained counseling but find someone supportive rather then diagnostic).  I think that may be why so many ambitious people really overcome their obstacles after they are married.  I read a book once, "Think and Grow Rich" - by Napoleon Hill, that made the inference that men spend too much energy chasing women to reach their potential before their early middle age.  There's probably some truth to that.  There's definitely a lot more to it as well.

Once you have the basic needs for success covered, massive action will carry you to your destination.  This principle I learned in the first half of an Anthony Robbins book.  I say first half because I never finished it.  I wasn't determined to finish that book and quickly got what I was looking for from the book.  Massive action is doing something that commits you to your objective and continuing to do things that commit you to your action.  There is a slight difference between this and burning bridges.  You shouldn't burn bridges, sometimes you need that bridge to get something you left behind.  Now and again I have done things to intentionally, or unintentionally, burn bridges.  Once or twice, I found myself rebuilding those bridges.  Still, the action I took forced me to continue to pursue my vision.  Sometimes, when you haven't built up quite enough faith in yourself, a radical action will have a snowball effect. 

If all these things are present, it is healthy to have patience and open-mindedness.  These are more for peace of mind while driving toward your destination  then they are for getting there.  You should enjoy the road traveled rather then live entirely for tomorrow.  During the journey, there will be times when it appears you aren't going to accomplish your goals.  You may begin to doubt the practicality of your vision.  People may call you a dreamer.  This is a good sign!  It may mean you are about to reach the summit of your climb.  It always gets infinitely harder before the release of accomplishment arrives. It always looks impossible right before you succeed.  A very short time ago, less then a month, I seriously doubted some of my visions of what I thought my perfect life would be.  Some facets of my dream were not materializing and I feared my vision was unrealistic. I began to consider revising my vision.  This is actually a healthy thing to do.  People change, so do dreams, values and how a person measures success.  Success is, of course, much more then financial success.  That's just a tiny part of it.  After I evaluated my vision, I decided it was still aligned with my principles and I could validated aspects against examples of people around me as well as some people I idolize.  It was last night that I looked around, desperately missing my two year old whose been gone for only four days, and realized that some of what I had doubted would happen was happening while I worried.  I looked around and saw my perfect life.  This time, instead of just a vision in my head, it was my real eyes taking in the scene.  To think I'd almost given up...  Robert Pirsig, in "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", said "It is a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth,' and so it goes away."  The same thing can happen with success.  You spend your whole life trying to reach your heart's desire and then get cold feet and run away saying, "I'll never do it, never."

I'm not sure how profound any of this is but it occurred to me how simple the equation really is.  However, unlike Life the Function, it ain't innate.  You have to create vision, faith and determination and use them to fuel action and then you're done.  But no one ever told me this.  No one ever said, "hey, here's how you get ahead."  They said things like, "make sure you have a backup plan, " and ,"take baby steps."  Those never really helped.  I think that's the philosophy of: "the less you hope for, the less disappointment you'll have."  I don't subscribe to that one. 

One key thing to remember:  If you are looking for advice on success, ask someone you view as successful.  Don't take advice from aunt Lucy, sweet as she is.  Respect her opinion but listen to someone who did what you want to do.  And listen to your own heart and instinct.  That being said, you'll have to decide whether to listen to me, or not.

I have made a lot of friends over the years and as the years go by, just as many drift away. I have not seen some of them for many years.  There are certainly a lot of people that could fall into the category of single-serving friends.  However, there are those that are like Michael's devil stick friends, they made a lasting impression.  I recently learned a good friend of mine is likely moving far away, sometime in the near future, at the same time that a long lost friend drifted back through.  Both friends are making good choices.  In fact, both friends are moving far away.  That saddens me but I have finally learned just how small this world is yet how endless the possibilities.  The moment that you think you will never see someone again, there they are.  Likewise, when you hope or expect that someone will never leave, you find yourself missing them. 

If I'm stupid, I won't act on this realization and my friends will be too far away to spend time with.  But, if life does not allow us the time and opportunity before they leave, there is no reason I shouldn't hope for another chnace down the road.  Since the now is definite, and later is bound to hope, now is the best time to take advantage of an opportunity.

Geeks like to blog just for the hell of it and that's exatly what this post is

My sister was among the crowd attacked by wayward rockets.  She was spared.  She'd come to see us over the weeked.  It was a fabulous visit other than the a-fore-mentioned burning. 

It was good to see her.  Being with family reminds us about who we are, where we came from, where we are going, and what is really important.  I reminded her that some things change but some things remain the same (her brother can be a retard).

It also had some good surprises.  I found out she had the same dental complications I've had: gums that are trying to escape their teeth.  Hers, however, has gotten better.  Now I can go to the dentist again.  Its been well over ten years.

I also spoke with her about other personal family matters and discovered some of the events that led to where things are today.  I wish she hadn't waited so long to tell me but we've all had to come such a very long way to get to where we are today, I am not surprised she didn't. 

It was great to see my sister and watch my son squeel with delight as he introduced her to his world. 

 

That horrific title, unfortunately, is exactly what happened.

You know how people write letters at christmas time that tell you how Aunt Betty's pig ate her canary and they McKensy twins joined the contortionist circus?  We'll, I'm a dork, so I'll write a blog entry for anyone out there who checks in occassionally and wonders why I have apparently slowed down on me blogging.

First and foremost, my wife is pregnant with twins!  Well, its a long story.  Its not my fault, they aren't mine.  Hey, now, they aren't hers either!  They are her sister's.  We're very excited to be able to help my (bro and sis) in-law to have what she and I are so lucky to have in my 2 year old son.  ..and a 2 year old son can keep you on your toes as well.  Now toss in my wife's medical residency and you might see what home life entails.  A hell of a lot of fun, hella busy!

Work has gotten crazy.  I usually have Fridays off but right now we have critical project schedules and I have to make up for lack of appropriate planning.  I am very glad to have such a flexible job and I actually prefer when things are fast paced.  Timing?  I like having more free time in the summer but then I like driving a sports car.  Our brand new luxury minivan is much more suitable.  (yes, new van, traded in the turbo volvo wagon).

I am studying for MCSD certification.  Since we dumped all our money in the van, I can't afford the practice tests and therefore have to read the books.  Doug Turnure of Microsoft was very generous in providing me with study materials and I have two co workers dedicated to our study group.  We're pretty senior developers yet we're finding a great value in reviewing some basic concepts and techniques.  This weeks reading was a little much, a little dry.  I'm far from finished.

A band is in the works.  After 15 years of looking for musicians to play with, I found a group of guys who I can rock with.  We're endeavoring on a original project with some covers thrown in for spice.  I hope we might play out as soon as a couple months.  I have some work to do to get my chops back!  I have a trip to Wisco to get my amps back...  I have to scrounge some money to buy some gear.  Expesive habit. 

Then there is home ownership.  Oh how little I knew when I signed that mortgage!  I have been trying to get grass to grow in the back yard.  Its coming up but its an ongoing battle with the dog and his propensity to dig.  He's received several beatings but he's a big, strong dog and I don't think he minds them.  He's also up to 2 walks a day.  That usually fends off misbehavior.  He may have figured out the situation and is now in complete control.  I/m not sure.  He's whippin' my ass.  Speaking of ass-whippage, our air conditioning is on the fritz.  Again.  The woman who sold us the house (and how I want to ruin her name but still have a little couth...   OK? Judy)  lied like a 10 dollar whore claiming to be a virgin when she told us the state of things in the house.  In her defense, she might actually be that stupid that she thought the 12 year old furnace was actually 7 and the 10 year old air conditioning was brand new.  She may have thought her crack smoking contractor knew how to do plumming correctly or that you can add a second story on a house for $30k...  I doubt it.  She seemed smart right up until I asked her whether she knew about the air conditioner.  Oh well.  We have spent nearly $2k on the HVAC already and have another $600 condensor looming in the very, very near future.  Whew!  feels good to get that off my chest.

After the grass comes in we need a deck or a patio and somewhere for tiny dude to play.  We just decided on our five year plan to finish our attic and basement, build a deck, fix up anything needing repair, and then find a nice, old, 1920's brivk bungalow across the street to renovate.  It reminds me of the Dukes of Hazzrd when boss Hog hypnotizes Beau into selling the General.  He beats Luke in a archery challenge so they sell it.  Then they go down to the junk yard and pick up a Charger.  Beau says, "we can fix it up, paint it orange, weld the doors shut and pain an 01 on the side!"  And Luke realizes he's been hypnotized, or he bangs his head, or something stupid...  then they find boss Hog about to roll the General off a cliff...  commercial break..  and then boss hog isabout to roll the general off the cliff but they save it and then jump it over a ravine and say yee haw.  See, our house is a nice, old 1920's bungalow.  However, its on a busy road.  I would like to move 3 blocks over to a not so busy road.  Same neighborhood, same house if possible.  Just three blocks over. 

The ironic thing is, I can't afford to spit right now, so I don't feel much pressure to get much of this stuff done.  Rotting wood on the back of the house?  so?!  Fence falling down.  Yep!  Basement unusable?  What of it?

I'm a 30's, working man with a beautiful wife and kid, a big, dumb dog, a house I can't afford, a mini van and a four door sedan, more projects then time, more ends then means, a hose, a rake, a shovel, a circular saw, a hippie bus parked out back, an office that doubles as storage, a job and a mother making me nuts, no idea how to do any of this and, despite it all, I still throw a guitar on my shoulder and try to be a rock star...  heh.  What am I?  Typical american male.

However, when you step back, you will see only an amazing life.  You will see the best wife and child anyone has ever been blessed with.  I wish there were a word that could describe what it is to have unbelievable and unlikly good fortune thrust upon you such that a rudderless existence suddenly has meaning and importance.  I wish I could express what it feels like to look around and see everything in bloom all around and realize, in an instant, that this is the magic that everyone is searching for and most give up on, and that you did nothing to make it happen except to receive it and make it grow.   We don't have a word quite right in our language...   purpose.

So I may not have had time to write, I may not have had words to add.  But that might just be becuse, sometimes, words are too cheap for moment, or just as good unsaid.

 

 

Sometimes the things we do wrong can be the most important

My very unfortunate rearview mirror failure resulted in a favorable resolution. Acura has agreed to replace the damaged parts.

A response to Michaels post about long hair

How to cope with life's negative emotions.

Vocabulary is a pwerful thing.  It makes a real difference what words you use to describe something, even with yourself.

When experincing "anger" over something that someone did or did not do (and this applies to professional and personal situations), ask yourself if it is really "anger" you are feeling.  Often, you'll find that your emotions have self-fueled themselves a little hotter than they really are.  Most of the time you can downgrade to "disappointed" rather than "angry".  Disappointment brings feelings of frustration and these, repeated over time, can boil over and become exagerated. 

If you are really angry, you need to act.  Someone has hurt or threatened you physically!  They have caused you danger or put you in harm's way.  If not, is it really anger?  Are you not sure? Then repeat the first paragraph.  Otherwise, read on...

Now that you've placed the emotion where it belongs, ask yourself why you are disappointed.  Disappointment is always a mismatch of expectations and results or experience.  Now you merely have to decide if you were appropriate with your expectations.  As Michael said, “If all else fails, lower your expectations.”   Having unrealistic expectations causes everyone stress.  If you have experienced the same frustrating situation over and over and not adjusted your expectations, who is to blame for your disappointment?  Einstein said, “Repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity” (or something like that). 

When someone truly drops the ball and doesn't reach a reasonable goal, deliverable or standard, you have every right to be disappointed.  Communicate that in a calm and proactive way.  The next time a similar situation comes up, be appropriate, expect better than last time but don't hope for a miracle.  Well, you can hope, as long as you understand that hope implie doubt.  Know that the same thing can happen again.  Be sure to communicate what you exepct up front!

What to do when expectations are disappointing in themselves?  That's when action is required.  If someone consistently repeats a very diappointing behavior and you have to keep lowering your expectation of them, it might be time to find someone else to count on. 

All the answers cannot be had by changing a word here and there.  Always being less aggressive will mean you are always less effective.  That's not good either.  Balance is the key. 

The bottom line is that we are all master of our own emotions.  Your emotions begin with you and end with you and directly effect only yourself.  If you can chose whether to feel mildly disserved or furiously miserable, why would you chose the latter?

As far as vocabulary goes, consider this if you don't believe a choice in word can make such a difference: Americans have hundreds of words for money but only one for love.  What seems to be the most important thing to americans in this day and age?  ...and why am I still at work, getting ready to go to a professional study group, when my wife and 11 month old son are at home practicing walking?  Not because I want to, but because money is very important in America.  (that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the group, just that a lot of life can be missed while you're trying to boost your corporate value...)

 

• funny

this made me laugh

My wife went to CVS on N. Highland in Atlanta to fill our sick son's prescription.  He has an ear infection.  The plan was to get the medicine and pick up our takeout across the street in one trip.   (Harry and Sons, awesome restaurant).  Tonight it was a bit cold to walk and because of a sick child, she didn't want to mess around.

She went in to CVS and, as usual, the prescription wasn't ready.  They are very slow.  This we expect.  We did not expect that the parking lot attendant would threaten to boot her car if she left while waiting for the prescription to be filled.  It would be about fifteen minutes, perfect time to go directly across the street and pick up the food we called in and ordered before she left.

She went back into the store to ask them to tell the parking lot attendant to back off but they concurred with the parking lot bully.  She would not be permitted to leave the store without her car, even for five minutes, while they were filling her presription, or CVS would allow her to be booted.  So she had to wait for twenty miinutes, sick child at home with me, hungry as hell, and return home, sans food, and send me back out to get the food from the restaurant across the street from the CVS on N. Highland in Atlanta.  What a pain in the butt@!

Parking lot attendant? at CVS?  Booting?!  Yes.  See, they have decided that generating extra revenue from their prime location parking lot is more important than respecting and appreciating their regular local customers.  We spend hundreds of dollars every month there, or, we used to, up until today, thursday, January 22, 2004.  It seems that it is more important to them to collect $5 on a thursday night from people desiring to park their cars than it is to have loyal shoppers.  Alright, I heard you.

This inconvenience completely destroys all value that store had for us.  It was close to home.  As I said, they are slow and inefficient and, obviously, rude.  Now, they are also inconvenient. 

Clearly, I'm pissed off.  I went there before getting our dinner from across the street from CVS on N. Highland in Atlanta.  I spoke with the night manager.  She told me, “I am hearing your complaint and will pass it up the chain (after I informed her that I would be writing a letter) but you are wrong,” she continued, “whether the customer is right or wrong we will listen to them.”  Great.  That is reassuring, isn't it?

My advice is to boycott them.  Don't ever go there again.  Why?  The Highlands is a very prestigious location.  Here we enjoy a very European existence where we can walk to restaurants and shops and enjoy a life where our vehicle gets us to work and back but everything else is right around the corner.  Its the coolest geographic area I've seen in the entire country.  The CVS in the Highlands doesn't really fit!  Imagine if they were to close down...  What would take that large piece of realestate?  I would hope it would be another excellent restaurant, a club and an art gallery.  Or perhaps some beautiful, prime apartments.  Anything but a franchise drug store!  Take convenience out of a convenience store and you have...  store.  Take 't' away and that's how I feel about this whole experience...  sore.

 But it's so close and I live in the Highlands, what am I to do?...

Eckerd Store # 2708 (1.26 mi.)
891 PONCE DE LEON AVENUE NE
ATLANTA GA 30306
(404) 874-0640

They are close to the Whole Foods where you should buy your food because Whole Foods Rocks!  CVS, if you want to know how to treat a customer, go shop, jjust once, at Whole Foods on Ponce.  Everyone there makes me want to go there every day...

A story about two non-technical people, seperated by thousands of miles, using technology to overcome distance and adversity, and find their lost puppy...